The other day, I was tired and in a foul mood. My husband was pushing me to do something I did not want to do but that needed to be done. We’ve been married for 32 years and over that time, I’ve learned to curb my tongue and not say the first thing that comes to mind because well, sometimes the first thing that I want to say isn’t the best thing to be said. Or maybe not the best way to say it. But, sometimes my mouth says what it wants to before my brain can stop it. This was one of those days.
He said something-totally unrelated to the situation at hand-and I snapped at him and not only was my tone of voice mean and somewhat condescending, my words weren’t kind. As soon as I said it, I regretted it and felt terrible for saying it. The look on his face told me I had not only made him mad, but I had hurt his feelings. He made a remark something to the effect that he just couldn’t do anything right today and he would go hide in his room (man cave) until I was ready to be nice. That’s all it took to take the wind right out of my sails and the anger and frustration just drained away.
I knew that we both needed to calm down and take a few minutes before we said anything else we shouldn’t so I went on about my business for a little while before I went to him and apologized. He was very gracious about it and gave me a hug and told me it was forgiven and forgotten within a few minutes of it happening. Maybe so, but for me, it weighed on me, because I’m usually much better about curbing my tongue.
Words have tremendous power. Every word you speak has the power to hurt or heal. Once you’ve uttered them, you can’t erase them or take them back. Anyone that has been chastised or yelled at will tell you that they remember the words that were hurled at them much longer than they do the action that prompted them. It’s a proven fact that children that are repeatedly told they are stupid or incompetent or ugly have low self-esteem and don’t perform as well in school-or in life-as children that are often told they are smart, have great ability, or pretty. We’ve all heard the old adage “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” This is NOT true. The wounds caused by sticks and stones will heal but the ones caused by words can cause long term damage. Both will leave a scar but the ones from words are unseen and tend to grow and fester, unlike the ones caused by the physical damage. My grandmother was a firm believer in another old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” If I heard that once growing up, I heard it a thousand times.
The Bible has a lot of insight and warnings about the use of our words. Proverbs is especially full of them.
Proverbs 15: 1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger.”
I wish I had thought of this one BEFORE opening my mouth the other day. Have you ever been in an argument with someone that will just not argue back? That remains calm and just lets you have your say? You blow your top and eventually just run out of steam because the fire of anger needs to be stoked. Before you know it, you’re not even mad anymore. BUT, if that person had come back at you tit for tat, and engaged you, you would both probably said more than you should, and things you for sure would have regretted. Things would have escalated and there is no good end to that scenario.
Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
Who doesn’t like honey? It’s all natural, it’s sweet, and it’s good for you. Kind words are the same. Who doesn’t like to be complimented? Words of affirmation are one of the five love languages. Whether it’s yours or not, don’t you like to hear that ‘you did good’ or even just a thank you? There’s a reason that kindness is one of the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
This verse is quoted a lot in regard to cursing and foul language but it also applies to using kind words in all circumstances. Wholesome talk can just as well be a compliment, or something edifying to the person that hears it.
James 3:5 “ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”
We’ve all heard about the fires devastating Australia the last several months. It’s heartbreaking and mind boggling when you see the photos of how much of that country has burned. About 25 million acres-roughly the size of the entire country of England-have been decimated by the fires. Hundreds of millions of animals have died or are facing death due to the loss of their habitats. More than 2500 homes have been destroyed and at least 29 people have lost their lives. All of this because of a lightning strike three months ago that sparked one fire that spread quickly. It just took one little spark from the initial strike to burst into flame. How powerful that one little spark was!! The words uttered by our tongues are just as powerful. They can tear down and destroy just as easily and quickly as that fire did. BUT, on the opposite side of the coin, the words formed by our tongues can also build up and encourage and do a lot of good. That spark can start a wildfire of positivity just as well as one of negativity if we will only pay attention to the words we use.
When you accept Christ as your savior and try to live according to God’s will, you are to be an example to others. We are all human and therefore sinners so we aren’t going to live up to His standard all of the time…most of the time to be honest. Thankfully, He is a gracious and forgiving God and just like my husband, He forgave me and that slate was wiped clean as soon as I repented the harsh words and asked for forgiveness. How grateful I am for that grace. It is humbling and hard to admit you were wrong or made a mistake and ask for that forgiveness but it needs to be done. Those words matter, too. Very much so. It’s something you don’t want to have to do often if you can help it. I can tell you that it has made me much more aware of my words and tone of voice when I speak to people the last few days. I ‘taste my words before I spit them out’ because if I have to eat them, I sure want them to be sweet like honey.
Gathering Goat Feathers 